The Real Deal: My Life As A Recruiter

It felt like a crime scene most days. Disgruntled, overworked and underpaid employees, endless berating emails, meetings about meetings about meetings, putting out fires constantly, guns to the head every day to fill positions, hiring managers swarming around my desk, a cubicle with bad fluorescent lighting, gossip and venting in the lunch room–A day in my life as a corporate recruiter.

Somedays I would catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at work and really wonder who I was to engage in such a circus. The reality is, I never belonged in a corporate environment. I don’t have a poker face for one, so “playing the game” didn’t work for me. Besides that, climbing any kind of ladder never intrigued me. I wasn’t sold on the soul-sucking race to get to the top, nor what the actual reality would be once I got there. I don’t do well with bosses either–especially when they lack empathy or channel their inner sociopath. Oh, and microwaved food and elevators always freaked me out. It was inevitable that my time in the 9-5 world would be short-lived.

Don’t get me wrong, recruitment served a very big purpose in my career for quite a while.  It worked well for me until it didn’t. I’ve always had a fascination with people and understanding them better–their motivation in life and work. It’s these special parts that make us unique and who we are.

Working close to the masterminds and decision makers gave me perspective on what drives key decisions in corporations–the good, the bad and the really ugly. Arguably, more insight than most MBA programs offer. I pondered the behavior of the narcissistic, egotistical and entitled–and felt the pain of the mistreated, undervalued and stuck. I also developed a bond with the honest and driven whose untapped talents would motivate the plot of their next escape.

I came to realize there might always be parts of our job that we don’t like. There is no perfect. But if we do something every day for 10 hours a day, we better enjoy it–because time is our most precious commodity.

Understanding who we are is everything. Our life energy is worth more than any dollar amount or promotion. And quite honestly, the world doesn’t need any more “successful” people. The world needs more people who are fulfilled in their work and engaged in their lives.

Most of all, making a living should not be the death of us.

Money Ain't A thing...Or Is It?

It's one of the most taboo subjects on the planet, and yet we spend our lives obsessing over it. Dreaming of it, chasing it–wishing we had more of it. But once we do have more of it, we raise the bar. It never seems to be enough. And what is enough anyway?

So the quest begins. We work our asses off. Because that's what we're supposed to do, right? Graduate. Get a good job. Make money. Hopefully, a lot of it. Everything works out. But does it? We then define ourselves by how much we have, and often judge others based on how much they don't have. After our basic needs are met–food, clothes, housing–we rationalize spending the rest on what means the most to us (or so we think)–vacations, more clothes, eating out, and stuff. And more stuff. But none of these things ever seem to do their job of making us happy.

I remember always having my eye on something I wanted to buy. Without fail, there would be that new shiny object that I thought would do the trick. But then like clockwork, I would feel that perpetual sadness once the allure of the object wore off. Ironically, it was the same feeling that often seeped in while flying home from vacation. The high would vanish. So logically, I got back on the make/spend treadmill–only to slip back into a consumption coma all over again. 

Finally, I grew tired of having the "once I get more money, I will (fill in the blank)" conversation with myself. I wondered when exactly the chase would end. More importantly, why do we constantly want more of what we don't need? Intent on getting answers–I ventured down the research rabbit hole of financial pioneers and even the Dalli Llama for insight and clarity.

Once I started evaluating my spending habits, I realized I was completely disconnected from my relationship with money. That much of my beliefs about it were rooted in childhood, media, and cultural ideas I had developed along the way. Even more daunting, how I was letting it slip away due to boredom, convenience, and keeping up with society's idea of what I needed to be happy.

I came to the sobering realization that how we spend our money tells a lot about who we are and how we see the world. But if we uncover our disillusions of what it means to us, we can actually break the cycle. That regardless of what everyone else is doing, what really matters is how these objects and experiences make us feel. And perhaps the most valuable discovery–if we truly understand how much we need, we can then reevaluate what we're willing to do to get it. 

Don't "Follow Your Passion"

I think it's actually quite terrible advice. Coming from an optimist at heart, I know this is a large statement to make. It just feels misleading and criminal in many ways. While I love a good inspirational quote, I find it interesting that the common theme amongst many authors, bloggers and influencers is to follow the rainbow and "live your dream" when it comes to our work.

When I was contemplating the next chapter in my career, I remember getting immersed in the self-help section at the bookstore on this subject. I had convinced myself that I simply needed to find out what "it" was to determine what my next career move would be. On a mission, I researched and read dozens of books, hoping the epiphany would come and I'd have my answer. I even picked up a book called Escape from Cubical Nation "From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur" and read it cover to cover in two days. 

Although I was inspired at first, I felt awful once I got back to my cubicle life that following Monday. Was I one of the unlucky ones who didn't know what my passion was to pursue my next career move–or was I just not brave enough to follow it? I've always been passionate about dance, but I certainly wasn't going to quit my job to go audition for the American Ballet Theatre anytime soon. So I wondered, what gives? And what about for those of us that don't even know what we're passionate about?

I would spend the next several months getting to the bottom of these questions–tearing apart my career, examining my skills and what I loved and didn't love about my job. Finally getting introspect on my interests and values, I determined what my non-negotiables were.

What I came to realize was this...

Maybe it's not so much about following anything. Maybe it's more about discovering who we are and where we've been. Taking our experience and applying it to what matters most to us. And maybe that doesn't necessarily have to come from our work. Maybe we could simply make a conscious effort to put ourselves in environments and around people that make us feel more passionate about life. And maybe, just maybe–if we stop comparing our inside to everyone else's outside, we could finally figure out what "it" is.

A Fresh Perspective on Consumerism

It's the death and life of all of us.  And it wasn't until I was born into the Advertising world that I became obsessed with the concept. My days were spent surrounded by creatives who came up with brilliant strategies to manipulate people into buying more stuff. Wrapped up in a pretty bow of course. They were masters at it, and this fascinated me. There was so much beauty and ugly to the art. But what was behind it, and how did they become so slick about getting under the skin of people like me, evoking the urge to buy more? Nothing I really needed nonetheless. Maybe if I figured out exactly how they did it, I could become my own master at managing my consumption patterns. I could then unlearn these habits that were validating my belief that comfort leads to happiness. And ultimately, I could buy my freedom.

I was determined. So, from the moment I walked down my stoop in the morning, I made a conscious effort to track every dollar I spent throughout the day. From the fruit vendor I passed on my block to the 20 other standard deviations I was presented with from the outside world–and not to forget about once I got to my computer each day. Cause let's be honest–e-commerce shopping can cause serious damage, and instant gratification has always been my worst enemy.

I played this game with myself for quite a while. How little could I spend each day? And I gave myself a reward on the days I spent the least. Because what fun is a game without a prize at the end? And slowly, as time passed, my disease of impulse buying turned into conscious spending–and my whole world opened up. I began to purchase with intention and slowly crawled out from the rabbit hole of living paycheck to paycheck. Then it suddenly hit me...maybe if we stay curious more often–take a look around at the bad AND the good, we could all become our own masters.

My New Reality

I don’t know about you, but I get a bit overwhelmed with the amount of content on social media. Not to mention, that feeling after scrolling through endless highlight reels of some people’s perfectly curated lives. It kinda makes me want to pick up smoking cigarettes again.

I do however believe in the beauty of sharing a piece of our real life with the world. So, I thought I’d lighten your day with a quick glimpse of my (not so sugar-coated) experience after transitioning out of the 9-5 world.

For one, building a business is a monster, and has definitely kicked me out of my comfort zone. Yikes. Rarely do people tell you about the grit, struggle and loneliness of going out on their own. And although a true minimalist at heart, I’ve had to take this idea to the next level. Let’s just say my money and relationships have been redefined.

That beautiful yoga studio I practice at daily, I now clean in exchange for a membership. It’s called a “work/study.”  Who knew?! The Co-op down the street I walked past every week on my way to Whole Foods–it’s where I food shop now. And the hundreds of people I had relationships with (or so I thought) in the corporate world–most have fallen away.  Funny how life works. Oh, and social media–that thing that kinda makes my skin crawl–it’s a community I'm finally (sigh) learning to embrace. 

The silver lining in all of this? I’m building something on my own–based on my values and beliefs, not someone else’s. I now have room in my life for more meaningful relationships.  I get to create and share my writing with the world, and most importantly–I’m able to help people be better and do better. And this is what makes all the struggle worthwhile.