When I look back now, I can recall almost every time I’ve felt small in the past. In jobs, relationships, and within my family, I can name exact moments. Of course, I didn’t know at the time. Or maybe I did; I just didn’t have a name for it.
The thing about smallness is that it can creep up without us even knowing.
It can lead to us shrinking ourselves, suppressing our needs, or downplaying our gifts and skills. When it’s happening, we can feel like we are being accommodating, easygoing, the reliable one in a friendship, or negotiating our needs in areas where our partner lacks. We might even convince ourselves that this is the sacrifice we must make for our relationships or work.
The problem is that sooner or later we start feeling overwhelmed, tired, or resentful.
The why we choose to play small—whether in a job or relationships is complex.
For the most part, fear is what drives us to choose smallness. Whether it's the fear of change or the fear of being judged, criticized, or abandoned. Or maybe we simple dont want others to feel uncomfortable.
And we often learn these messages early on. Maybe staying small kept us safe as kiddos. And this might have actually worked for our survival needs.
But the truth is, as adults, it can ultimately cost us our sense of safety, identity, and sanity.
So how do we get out of smallness and move toward greatness? We determine our needs, where we want to go, and what it will cost. And we move towards our inner knowing. We start to develop more compassion with ourselves.
We take low-stakes risks that our nervous system can tolerate.
And slowly, we build tolerance toward our needs, desires, goals, and dreams.