The Bright Side Of Getting Fired

Let’s put an end to the social stigma of getting fired, shall we?

Losing your job sucks, no doubt. Much like being on the receiving end of a breakup, it kinda makes you feel like you’ve been kicked in the crotch. I’ve been given the pink slip myself on more than one occasion, and it’s definitely a tough pill to swallow.

This isn’t a valid reason to be shamed by anyone, let alone ourselves. It happens, and not to “good” or “bad” employees. It simply happens. Whether you were blindsided by a lay off to “balance the books”, set up to fail or pushed out because your boss (or client) hated you–most people experience it at some point.

I worked for a company who paid some senior-level executives north of $200k a year to do absolutely nothing except for speak on panels, sound smart and look important. Which is actually fine, if you’re Tony Robbins and that is your job–not when you’re supposed to be leading a team, running a piece of business, or in the trenches with your people. Sadly, they had more job security than anyone because someone at the top bought into their smoke and mirrors. 

Then there are those master delegators who direct traffic all day–leaving the heavy lifting for middle management, yet still pulling off the inevitable raise and promotion like clockwork. Meanwhile, those employees under them end up burning out and quit–or yes, get fired.

It’s called bad business, and companies will justify it however they feel suits their bottom line best.

I’m not saying some people don’t deserve to be let go. But if it’s happened to you–for whatever reason–you’re probably better off anyway because just like a breakup, you usually end up looking back and realizing it happened for a good reason.

And don’t think for a minute that senior-level executive doesn’t subconsciously feel shame for adding no value and serving little purpose in their job. They do too, even if it doesn’t show on the outside.

Oh, and if you’ve had the fortune of never losing your job, lucky you. Unless of course, you secretly wish you would–so you’d be put out of your misery–in which case is a whole other level of shame.

Tearing Down The Walls

It was decades of denial that came flooding to the surface. It turned out a sham–a bad dream, really. The map for success was instilled in me at a young age–go to college, find stable job, make money (or marry it), marriage & kids, move to the suburbs. It didn’t matter how I got there, as long as I made it to the top of the mountain. So, I started the climb without hesitation–much like a sheep with its pasture.

As time elapsed and reality set in, this scripted life didn’t feel right. I’d seen behind the curtain and came to realize that my story would have a different plot. But all the while, the people around me were killing themselves to get to the top–so I continued up, enduring the climb. Quiet whispers echoed in my ear from time to time, only for me to push them to the side.

I became conditioned and conformed to what was expected of me. My life on autopilot became predictable and robotic, yet thoughts of exploring the unknown were terrifying. Days would pass wondering why I’m not further. It will all work out, I’d rationalize–slowly moving away from myself.

My disappointing attempts at living up to the standards of the external world led to the neglect of my internal one. I became an expert at planning for the future, yet never being fully in the present. Instant gratification was my worst enemy; and still no distraction in the world–excess shopping, “happy” hours, vacations, obsessive workouts and diets, meaningless relationships–could fill the pang of sadness inside.

Damn! What if everything I was told to do and think went against my truest self? How could a life well-lived be a one size fits all? These questions would haunt me and never let up. Eventually, the harsh reality set in–I was climbing the wrong mountain and stuck on the side.

I’m not sure I ever bought into the system as it was presented, or found it desirable. I just didn’t know there was an alternative, and perhaps was too scared to find out. It was clear now I had a choice to make–continue on with a life unlived or tear down the walls that had taken me so long to build. 

I would have to shed my old self, peel off the layers and find a way to redefine success on my own terms. A new mountain to climb–without a map, and most likely no one around.

A tough pill to swallow, and the process messy.

But it would all be worth it.

The Real Deal: My Life As A Recruiter

It felt like a crime scene most days. Disgruntled, overworked and underpaid employees, endless berating emails, meetings about meetings about meetings, putting out fires constantly, guns to the head every day to fill positions, hiring managers swarming around my desk, a cubicle with bad fluorescent lighting, gossip and venting in the lunch room–A day in my life as a corporate recruiter.

Somedays I would catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror at work and really wonder who I was to engage in such a circus. The reality is, I never belonged in a corporate environment. I don’t have a poker face for one, so “playing the game” didn’t work for me. Besides that, climbing any kind of ladder never intrigued me. I wasn’t sold on the soul-sucking race to get to the top, nor what the actual reality would be once I got there. I don’t do well with bosses either–especially when they lack empathy or channel their inner sociopath. Oh, and microwaved food and elevators always freaked me out. It was inevitable that my time in the 9-5 world would be short-lived.

Don’t get me wrong, recruitment served a very big purpose in my career for quite a while.  It worked well for me until it didn’t. I’ve always had a fascination with people and understanding them better–their motivation in life and work. It’s these special parts that make us unique and who we are.

Working close to the masterminds and decision makers gave me perspective on what drives key decisions in corporations–the good, the bad and the really ugly. Arguably, more insight than most MBA programs offer. I pondered the behavior of the narcissistic, egotistical and entitled–and felt the pain of the mistreated, undervalued and stuck. I also developed a bond with the honest and driven whose untapped talents would motivate the plot of their next escape.

I came to realize there might always be parts of our job that we don’t like. There is no perfect. But if we do something every day for 10 hours a day, we better enjoy it–because time is our most precious commodity.

Understanding who we are is everything. Our life energy is worth more than any dollar amount or promotion. And quite honestly, the world doesn’t need any more “successful” people. The world needs more people who are fulfilled in their work and engaged in their lives.

Most of all, making a living should not be the death of us.

Money Ain't A thing...Or Is It?

It's one of the most taboo subjects on the planet, and yet we spend our lives obsessing over it. Dreaming of it, chasing it–wishing we had more of it. But once we do have more of it, we raise the bar. It never seems to be enough. And what is enough anyway?

So the quest begins. We work our asses off. Because that's what we're supposed to do, right? Graduate. Get a good job. Make money. Hopefully, a lot of it. Everything works out. But does it? We then define ourselves by how much we have, and often judge others based on how much they don't have. After our basic needs are met–food, clothes, housing–we rationalize spending the rest on what means the most to us (or so we think)–vacations, more clothes, eating out, and stuff. And more stuff. But none of these things ever seem to do their job of making us happy.

I remember always having my eye on something I wanted to buy. Without fail, there would be that new shiny object that I thought would do the trick. But then like clockwork, I would feel that perpetual sadness once the allure of the object wore off. Ironically, it was the same feeling that often seeped in while flying home from vacation. The high would vanish. So logically, I got back on the make/spend treadmill–only to slip back into a consumption coma all over again. 

Finally, I grew tired of having the "once I get more money, I will (fill in the blank)" conversation with myself. I wondered when exactly the chase would end. More importantly, why do we constantly want more of what we don't need? Intent on getting answers–I ventured down the research rabbit hole of financial pioneers and even the Dalli Llama for insight and clarity.

Once I started evaluating my spending habits, I realized I was completely disconnected from my relationship with money. That much of my beliefs about it were rooted in childhood, media, and cultural ideas I had developed along the way. Even more daunting, how I was letting it slip away due to boredom, convenience, and keeping up with society's idea of what I needed to be happy.

I came to the sobering realization that how we spend our money tells a lot about who we are and how we see the world. But if we uncover our disillusions of what it means to us, we can actually break the cycle. That regardless of what everyone else is doing, what really matters is how these objects and experiences make us feel. And perhaps the most valuable discovery–if we truly understand how much we need, we can then reevaluate what we're willing to do to get it. 

Don't "Follow Your Passion"

I think it's actually quite terrible advice. Coming from an optimist at heart, I know this is a large statement to make. It just feels misleading and criminal in many ways. While I love a good inspirational quote, I find it interesting that the common theme amongst many authors, bloggers and influencers is to follow the rainbow and "live your dream" when it comes to our work.

When I was contemplating the next chapter in my career, I remember getting immersed in the self-help section at the bookstore on this subject. I had convinced myself that I simply needed to find out what "it" was to determine what my next career move would be. On a mission, I researched and read dozens of books, hoping the epiphany would come and I'd have my answer. I even picked up a book called Escape from Cubical Nation "From Corporate Prisoner to Thriving Entrepreneur" and read it cover to cover in two days. 

Although I was inspired at first, I felt awful once I got back to my cubicle life that following Monday. Was I one of the unlucky ones who didn't know what my passion was to pursue my next career move–or was I just not brave enough to follow it? I've always been passionate about dance, but I certainly wasn't going to quit my job to go audition for the American Ballet Theatre anytime soon. So I wondered, what gives? And what about for those of us that don't even know what we're passionate about?

I would spend the next several months getting to the bottom of these questions–tearing apart my career, examining my skills and what I loved and didn't love about my job. Finally getting introspect on my interests and values, I determined what my non-negotiables were.

What I came to realize was this...

Maybe it's not so much about following anything. Maybe it's more about discovering who we are and where we've been. Taking our experience and applying it to what matters most to us. And maybe that doesn't necessarily have to come from our work. Maybe we could simply make a conscious effort to put ourselves in environments and around people that make us feel more passionate about life. And maybe, just maybe–if we stop comparing our inside to everyone else's outside, we could finally figure out what "it" is.